Folks have asked me how I went from studying and practicing architecture to being a counselor. The honest answer involves more than a soundbite’s worth of story, which I don’t disclose to clients in sessions, as that time is about them.
That being said…architecture played a significant role in my life for many years, making me the counselor and person I am today. Like counseling, architecture is a science and an art and is ultimately about helping humans live well.
My career journey may resonate with you who have felt caught between head and heart choices, between the road laid out for you and the path to which you feel called. This story is about listening to your inner voice and coming home after a personal odyssey.
I’ll start from the beginning…
I was 5 or 6 when my parents separated, which lasted 21 years until their eventual, amicable divorce. Like many children of separation and divorce, I sought to understand why my parents argued. They were good and intelligent people… why were they acting like this? I was fascinated by them, individually and together. I somehow thought that if I could understand them and better explain each to the other (because they wouldn’t listen to each other) that they would see how to repair and move forward.
Clearly, I was not successful at saving their marriage, but I developed skills and a disposition for asking questions, listening, and understanding complex emotional landscapes. I also learned how to love and accept complicated people nonjudgmentally.
My mother bought into the societal stigma of psychology and counseling. She worried I would be so sensitive as to “take people’s problems home” with me. She wanted me to study a “hard science” in college and make a good living not not to struggle financially, as she had done at times in her life.
When I was applying to college and choosing a major, it seemed that I would be disappointing her and possibly “ruining my future” if I decided to study psychology and English. My mother was encouraging me to major in biology. She hoped it could lead to a medical or scientific profession.
About a month after I applied to colleges, I was helping my mom look at houses when she moved from Colorado to Indiana. I discovered I enjoyed looking at older homes and imagining how they could be fixed. Architecture had never occurred to me as a career, but it seemed like a good compromise to satisfy my mother’s push for a scientific field and my interest in arts and humanities.
As I learned, architects are taught to think on many different levels, from the big picture to minute details. Their drawings reflect various slices of a building; horizontal floor plans, elevations that show exterior views, section drawings that cut through to reveal construction materials and methods, and perspective drawings to capture 3D views of it. Architects must consider how space will be used (Residential? Commercial?)…the movement, flow, and lighting of spaces. They consider materials, climate issues, budget, the context of other buildings and landscapes, and many other factors.
Beyond mastering construction knowledge and design principles, they need to understand their clients and work as part of a team to complete projects. They listen to what is said and not said by the client. After all, some people don’t know what they want or struggle to vocalize it. So architects ask questions, present possible options, give and receive feedback (without taking it personally), and build rapport with clients, contractors, engineers, town/city boards, and many others in the process.
Process… that is what architecture… and therapy… are. An approach toward stability, functionality, and beauty
One of the reasons I am better suited to being a therapist is that my thinking is formed more from words than pictures. I found that supporting a coworker for 10 minutes who was crying in the bathroom after a break-up was more satisfying than seeing a building entirely constructed after months or years of designing and planning. I want to help people feel better, and the best way I can do that is through counseling.
In 2008, after five years of architecture school and more than two years of practice in an architecture firm, I planned to work toward my architecture license, which was still a year or two (and seven tests) away. I intended to quit the day after getting my license and begin my path toward being a counselor or psychologist. My plans were fast-tracked when I was laid off during the recession.
I lived with my mom for a time, planning to get another job in architecture. Some soul-searching and heart-to-heart talks with my mom made it clear that this was my chance. My mother fully supported this new plan and claimed that it was what I “was born to do.” She apologized for her role in leading me away from my passion for counseling people and offered the encouragement I needed.
I do not regret studying or practicing architecture. Because of architecture, I met many wonderful people, lived and traveled in places I would never have gone, and have unique ways of thinking and career experiences that have allowed me to help my clients better. I believe I could have been content and even happy continuing in architecture, mainly working in historic preservation. However, even my worst days of counseling feel better than my best days of architecture because it genuinely feels like a perfect fit for me and because I know how much work went into the journey to get where I am now.
If some part of my story resonates with you, whether making decisions about your career path, coping with job loss, sorting through conflicting desires to please others or being true to yourself, please reach out. I offer free 15-minute phone consultations to see if we are a good fit to work together.